Walking out abruptly from your marriage in a heated moment can only result in making things worse in the long-run for both you and your partner. Ending a marriage is something you need to put a lot of thought and planning into and special consideration needs to be given to how you will move forward without your spouse. 

Being prepared with a deliberate exit plan to set yourself up for self-sufficiency can help protect you from high legal bills and emotional hardships. When you've made the decision to leave your spouse, don't just pack your bags and walk out the door without having any other plans than, “I'll be on my mom's couch.” This is a major life decision. Craft your exit strategy carefully, make a plan, and prepare for the road ahead.

Start Planning For Divorce About 1 to 3 Months Before You Plan on Leaving.

Even if you think your spouse will handle the news well and not cause the problems typically thought of, setting yourself up for success after the physical separation will put you in a better mental position to handle the complexities of the divorce process.

What Do I Need To Do Before I Leave My Spouse?

In general, plan for your children, division of property, and financial arrangements to be worked out. Remember to think clearly and rationally — do not make hasty decisions made out of anger or sadness.

Once You Have Made Your Decision To Leave Your Spouse, Below Are Things You Need To Start Doing Before You Leave:

1) Gather Documents & Keep Records

Make copies of all your important documents. Keep records of everything – notes, email, text messages – no matter how trivial you think it is. The more information you have, the better.  Many apps are available that will easily let you scan records of things quickly.

2) Open a Separate Bank Account & Create Your Own Budget

Go ahead and open up a separate checking and savings account at the bank. You're going to need to handle your own finances and become accustomed to drafting a budget for monthly expenses. If you're expecting a change in lifestyle, consider adopting a budgeting technique.

3) List Property & Other Assets

Start listing your assets, debts, and property

4) Plan the Logistics of Your Exit

Consider all aspects of leaving – before, during, and after. Where will you live – with family, a friend, an apartment? Will you need a PO Box to receive your mail? How will your spouse respond on the day you tell him/her. When will you pack your things? All of these things must be well thought out before you actually leave.

5) Contact a Divorce Lawyer

Separating from your spouse, whether permanently or temporarily, can be one of the hardest things you'll ever do. If children are involved, their health and well-being depend on how tactfully you handle the situation. Forgoing the representation of a divorce attorney can have lasting effects on child support. Do not take any actions or sign any agreements that could later complicate the divorce process, until you've spoken with a family lawyer.

This is a lifelong decision, potentially the biggest negotiation of your life. An experienced family law attorney can help you navigate the legal process and take the pressure of an already stressful situation.

6) When to Tell Your Spouse

When should you tell your spouse that you're leaving? It's usually best to tell your spouse of your intentions when you're ready to physically leave. Telling him/her sooner invites complications – legally, emotionally, financially, and more. It's best to keep your decision to yourself until you leave.

 As much as you may want to rip the band-aid off quickly, and just say your piece and be on with it, you're going to have to allow for an open discussion with your spouse. Do it at a time when you both can discuss it (so, not right as they're running out the door for work) and at a safe place.

In some circumstances, it may be better to move out prior to the date of separation without informing your spouse. If this is your plan you should discuss how to proceed with a family law attorney prior to taking this action.

7) Tell Your Children

When it comes to telling your kids the news, tell them together with your spouse if possible. With or without your spouse, avoid the blame game, and let them know it's not their fault. Wait until you know for sure that you are leaving to tell them. Including uncertainty will only make children, especially young children, more unsure and confused. Stay strong for your children. You need time to deal with your own emotions from this major life event, but your children will need comfort and assurance (even if you don't feel so sure, yourself).

8) Leave

Even if both parties wanted the separation, actually walking out the door and leaving can be more emotional than you ever thought was possible. Have a friend or family member you can call or spend time talking with about it.

Support & Guidance

Don't feel you're in this alone. Tell a few trusted close friends or family members who are able to keep things under wraps what you are planning to do. Hayes Legal Solutions, PLLC is able to help you plan out the specific details of how to end your marriage diplomatically and strategically. Call/text us at 405-635-5578 or directly schedule your divorce strategy session today.